We’re All Addicts – What’s YOUR Emotional Drug of Choice?

You may not realize it, but we’re all addicted to an emotional drug. Whether it’s Praise, which is filling a need for attention, the focus of the Martha Beck article ‘The Praise Drug’, or Anger, Sadness, Fear, Helplessness, Envy, etc, we all have an emotional drug we crave, and are on the prowl for our next ‘hit’ or ‘fix’. If you think I’m wrong, stay with me a while longer and test your assumption.

If you’re not familiar with your own emotional drug of choice, ask a few of your closest friends, or a family member or two. They can probably tell you what it is in about 5 seconds flat. Maybe longer, if you’re highly evolved and have few noticeable imperfections. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see us as we truly are than it is to see ourselves.

I recently attended a workshop where my emotional drug of choice, Pride, was identified for me through a great example by the instructor. She talked about Pride and the ‘puffiness’ of that particular emotional drug and I could see the impact Pride was having in my life. I knew immediately this was something I wanted to work on.

There’s no shame or blame in identifying your emotional drug of choice. There is simply opportunity and personal challenge – if you’re up for it. Just like other addictions, acknowledging you have the addiction is the first step. Then, there’s deciding if you want to do something about it. Need a carrot to entice you? Here it is. The great thing about dealing with emotional addictions is you don’t have to eliminate them entirely to lead a happy, healthy and balanced life. Really. No joke. Emotions are good. It’s simply when we overuse them or use them for the wrong purposes that modifications are helpful.

Feeding My Emotional Addiction

“Hello, my name is Mary, and I am addicted to Pride”. Within hours of acknowledging this addiction to myself (half the battle), I was having lunch with a few others in the group who didn’t quite get what the instructor meant. How can you be addicted to Pride? What does that look like? Below is my explanation. Through the process, you may choose to consider your own addiction, and discover how to reduce its negative impact and bring that emotion into balance for a happier, more fulfilled relationships and life in general.

Feeding ‘the monster’: I seek compliments – on my work, being the 'hostest with the mostest', how I’ve contributed to a project, being seen as smart and competent, being told ‘that’s an excellent question’...ugh!  

Getting a ‘hit’: When I receive a compliment, or even self-acknowledging a job well done, it’s a ‘hit’ on my emotional drug. I get inflated like a peacock inside and feel really good about myself. Too good.

The ‘high’: The problem is, I don’t just get a little inflated, I get a LOT inflated, which presents a distorted self-image and negatively impacts how I ‘show up’ in interactions with others.

Repeat: An emotional drug addiction requires that the monster be fed on a regular basis, typically more frequently and with larger doses, therefore constantly seeking the next hit and high.

Successful Treatment

To successfully treat my addiction I need to receive a compliment or give myself one that I can acknowledge REASONABLY. Taking pride in my work and accomplishments isn’t a bad thing. However, too much pride (enter your emotional drug of choice here)…well, you can probably see how that can be a problem.

See the monster for what it is: Let’s face it, the monster isn’t doing you any favors. What if you reduced or eliminated your ‘seeking’ pattern? Focus on discovering what deeper need you are trying to fill by feeding this monster.

Reduce the number of ‘hits’: Experiment. What happens when you move into observer mode versus acting on your need for a hit?

Lower the ‘high’: Define success – If a hit typically gets you to 70% high/inflated, consider lowering your range to 30%.  What REASONABLE reaction (range) would bring you better balance internally and in your relationships with others?

Unlike other addictions, like drugs and alcohol, you don’t want to eliminate emotions. We have emotions for a reason. A good range of emotions is very good thing. What we’re looking for is to eliminate the negative overuse and impact of an exaggerated emotion.

Simply naming my addiction has given me energy. I go through my day much more self aware and have significantly reduced my 'seeking' behavior. When you're not looking for something and you find it anyway - the reward is sweeter.

Tame your monster and live a happier, healthier life!