My Sister Walks: The Victory Lap

My sister Nina is in training. This year, once again walking over 500 miles as she trains for what seems like a "mere 60 mile" walk in the Susan G Komen '3-Day for the Cure' Breast Cancer walk. She walks, as she has the last four years, with the C-Side Sisters, friends old and new, perhaps this year with a little more confidence. This year there's a small slice of victory.

You know how it is when you get to the age when someone on the fringes of your life's circle dies from cancer, a brain tumor, or fatal accident, and you say to yourself and those closest to you, "you know, one of these days, it's going to hit closer to home." And you wonder. "Will I be the one that it hits?" Will I be ready when it hits someone in my family? My best friend from school? My spouse? And silently, you go about trying to prepare yourself for that possibility. Over time you see the circle shrinking and mortality closes in as it creeps ever closer to my inner circle.

For 20 years or more, I prepared myself for the eventuality of cancer striking a family member. It's felt like the sick "game" I've heard of known as Russian Roulette, passing the pistol around the circle, spinning the chamber and knowing someone is going to be on the receiving end of the one bullet that's loaded inside the gun's own circular chamber, but not knowing who's going to get the bullet. For 20 years, waiting for the gunshot to sound and the reality to set in. The business of dealing with the shocking reality was finally at hand.

Perhaps not surprisingly, 20 years did not prepare me to hear the words that echoed in my head as the reality set in last year "My Mom has cancer." Even writing those words brings so much emotion to the surface that my eyes cloud with tears. The diagnosis of Breast Cancer was confirmed in early September 2010, and the whirlwind of doctors visits, tests, results, consultations, diagnoses, and recommendations – not to mention the emotional whirlwind – was fast and furious.

Five surgeries and much prayer, tears and stress later, mom is cancer free. She's back to doing everything she did before and more, now that her first Great-Granddaughter was born earlier this year. So this year, as Nina trains for her 5^th and final year of the walk, fundraising and committing hours upon hours planning and attending countless fundraisers and in progressively longer training walks, each step brings her closer to a victory lap. She is walking to celebrate a win for our mom's health, for the friends and family who have survived and some who have not, she's walking for all of us, and she's walking for a cure to end breast cancer forever.

While there is much work to be done in the fight to end breast cancer, there is a victory. A small one overall, but a huge one for our family. So this year, Nina, take your victory lap! You've earned it!

Nina Nolan – SGK For the Cure 2011

Quest 49!

The winds of change are blowing – Fall is in the air!  I turned 49 this week and I’m feeling compelled to do some cool things in this last year before I turn 50. While I still feel 35, I’m realistically on the precipice of entering the fall of my existence. Summer’s almost over, but before it ends, I have a few things I want to accomplish.  When it’s time to write “what I did this summer”, I would like to have more things than I can count to choose from.

While I have started the list, it is not quite complete – I need your suggestions. I’m close to adding Scuba Diving on the list, but am frankly scared just a bit. I will give it strong consideration though. Also, I had many suggestions to add Sky Diving. Good news! That’s what I plan to do on my 50^th birthday, so it’s officially number 50 on the list of 49 items J. 

While I’m not sure I can guarantee I’ll get a Hole In One, or will be able to attend the Masters (golf tourney) in Augusta in the spring of 2012, if I didn’t put them on the list, I wouldn’t try as hard to get there. If you have any thoughts about how I CAN get to the Masters, I am open to suggestions. We tried to get tickets to the practice round through the lottery, with the help from friends and family, but came up empty handed.

Here's the 'proposed' list so far...

1.       Start a blog (CHECK!)

2.       Volunteer work with disabled/horses

3.       Have a hole in 1 (golf)

4.       Walk 100 miles this year (9/4/2011 – 9/4/2012)

5.       Go inner tubing and/or skiing with my boys

6.       Plan a getaway with my sisters (yes, all of them!)

7.       Paint a picture

8.       Play in a golf tournament with my mom

9.       Enter Fiddlesticks Women’s Club Championship (Golf)

10.   Spend 3 days with Kerri Dowd (college friend)

11.   Perform 30 day rice test (more to come...)

12.   Return to Montana and Yellowstone National Park

13.   Attend a multiple day silence retreat

14.   Fly Fish out west (location of choice – Montana or Alaska)

15.   Attend the Masters at Augusta National

16.   Whale Watching off coast of California (Catalina?)

17.   Spend time with Nic (oldest son) at his college

18.   Get a dog

19.   Sing in a Christmas caroling group

20.   Read the New Testament (again)

21.   Return to the Grand Canyon Lodge on the north rim

22.   Learn Spanish (I'm registered with Rosetta Stone as of 9/1)

23.   Finish family photo picture wall

24.   Go rock climbing

25.   Take a 30 mile bike trip

26.   Commit 49 anonymous acts of kindness (submitted by Connie Crosby)

27.   Paddle boarding

28.   Hold a newborn baby (no more than 1 week old)

29.   Sing in an ensemble group

30.   Try Zumba

31.   Take a Tai Chi Class

32.   Closet purging (all) donating excess to charity

33.   Make Barefoot Contessa’s coconut cake/cupcakes

34.   Host a house party this fall

35.   Make a standing rib roast

36.   Explore an unvisited national park

37.   Play the TPC Sawgrass course (golf)

38.   Read “The Presence Process”

39.   Have sex at least once a week

40.   Attend a Christmas eve church service

41.   Spend 5 consecutive days with no TV

42.   Take sand trap lessons (golf)

43.   Go skinny-dipping

44.  

45.  

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47.  

48.  

49.  

50.   Sky Dive (50^th birthday)

We’re All Addicts – What’s YOUR Emotional Drug of Choice?

You may not realize it, but we’re all addicted to an emotional drug. Whether it’s Praise, which is filling a need for attention, the focus of the Martha Beck article ‘The Praise Drug’, or Anger, Sadness, Fear, Helplessness, Envy, etc, we all have an emotional drug we crave, and are on the prowl for our next ‘hit’ or ‘fix’. If you think I’m wrong, stay with me a while longer and test your assumption.

If you’re not familiar with your own emotional drug of choice, ask a few of your closest friends, or a family member or two. They can probably tell you what it is in about 5 seconds flat. Maybe longer, if you’re highly evolved and have few noticeable imperfections. Sometimes it’s easier for others to see us as we truly are than it is to see ourselves.

I recently attended a workshop where my emotional drug of choice, Pride, was identified for me through a great example by the instructor. She talked about Pride and the ‘puffiness’ of that particular emotional drug and I could see the impact Pride was having in my life. I knew immediately this was something I wanted to work on.

There’s no shame or blame in identifying your emotional drug of choice. There is simply opportunity and personal challenge – if you’re up for it. Just like other addictions, acknowledging you have the addiction is the first step. Then, there’s deciding if you want to do something about it. Need a carrot to entice you? Here it is. The great thing about dealing with emotional addictions is you don’t have to eliminate them entirely to lead a happy, healthy and balanced life. Really. No joke. Emotions are good. It’s simply when we overuse them or use them for the wrong purposes that modifications are helpful.

Feeding My Emotional Addiction

“Hello, my name is Mary, and I am addicted to Pride”. Within hours of acknowledging this addiction to myself (half the battle), I was having lunch with a few others in the group who didn’t quite get what the instructor meant. How can you be addicted to Pride? What does that look like? Below is my explanation. Through the process, you may choose to consider your own addiction, and discover how to reduce its negative impact and bring that emotion into balance for a happier, more fulfilled relationships and life in general.

Feeding ‘the monster’: I seek compliments – on my work, being the 'hostest with the mostest', how I’ve contributed to a project, being seen as smart and competent, being told ‘that’s an excellent question’...ugh!  

Getting a ‘hit’: When I receive a compliment, or even self-acknowledging a job well done, it’s a ‘hit’ on my emotional drug. I get inflated like a peacock inside and feel really good about myself. Too good.

The ‘high’: The problem is, I don’t just get a little inflated, I get a LOT inflated, which presents a distorted self-image and negatively impacts how I ‘show up’ in interactions with others.

Repeat: An emotional drug addiction requires that the monster be fed on a regular basis, typically more frequently and with larger doses, therefore constantly seeking the next hit and high.

Successful Treatment

To successfully treat my addiction I need to receive a compliment or give myself one that I can acknowledge REASONABLY. Taking pride in my work and accomplishments isn’t a bad thing. However, too much pride (enter your emotional drug of choice here)…well, you can probably see how that can be a problem.

See the monster for what it is: Let’s face it, the monster isn’t doing you any favors. What if you reduced or eliminated your ‘seeking’ pattern? Focus on discovering what deeper need you are trying to fill by feeding this monster.

Reduce the number of ‘hits’: Experiment. What happens when you move into observer mode versus acting on your need for a hit?

Lower the ‘high’: Define success – If a hit typically gets you to 70% high/inflated, consider lowering your range to 30%.  What REASONABLE reaction (range) would bring you better balance internally and in your relationships with others?

Unlike other addictions, like drugs and alcohol, you don’t want to eliminate emotions. We have emotions for a reason. A good range of emotions is very good thing. What we’re looking for is to eliminate the negative overuse and impact of an exaggerated emotion.

Simply naming my addiction has given me energy. I go through my day much more self aware and have significantly reduced my 'seeking' behavior. When you're not looking for something and you find it anyway - the reward is sweeter.

Tame your monster and live a happier, healthier life!